


Lost Souls

by Jormus



Category: Tales of Arcadia (Cartoons), Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Barbara as Morgana's Champion, Child Champion AU, Emotional Manipulation, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Troll Jim Lake Jr., but I WILL bring this fic to a happy ending if it’s the last thing I do, fae, not written chronologically, this is going to hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-12 20:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21482089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jormus/pseuds/Jormus
Summary: Merlin awakens early from his sleep. He decides that he doesn't want to leaving anything to chance and kidnaps the young James Lake Jr. to began training his Trollhunter as early as possible.Barbara is determined to hunt down the man who kidnapped her son.  In her efforts to get her son back she finds a strange old radio that speaks to her in a woman’s voice. The radio leads her to an underground society of shapeshifters.Mother and son meet again years later as strangers on opposing sides.(Storyline alternates between the past and present .)
Relationships: Barbara Lake & Jim Lake Jr., Barbara Lake & Morgana | Pale Lady, Merlin & Jim Lake Jr
Comments: 108
Kudos: 192





	1. Of Rainy Nights and Street Lights

Barbara leans against the side of the building, watching as the rain falls just outside the shelter of the awning. It’s late, she’s not sure exactly how late. Besides sunrise and sunset, time doesn’t really matter much to her anymore. Once, so very long ago, she would have been wary to be out alone at this hour, but now she’s far more dangerous than any fool she might encounter.

The brick is rough and cool against her fingers. She heaves a sigh and slides to the ground, uncaring that she will get cold. Her mistress’s attention is not on her right now. She just needs a moment… A moment to be herself. Not Morgana’s champion or her voice piece, not the newest head of the Janus Order, not Nemesis… Just Barbara… Whatever _that_ means at this point.

She closes her eyes and leans back, listening to the steady patter of rain against rooftops and cement and the distant hum of cars. The lone light on the street buzzes softly. She draws in a breath and lets it out slowly, taking time to just exist.

A soft sob breaks through the air. Barbara opens her eyes and looks around. There isn’t a soul in sight. After a moment there’s another sob, short and muffled. Whoever it is doesn’t want to be noticed.

Barbara contemplates leaving; finding somewhere else to be, but curiosity gets the best of her. She shifts silently to her feet and waits.

_There._

Barbara follows the sound. She doesn’t have to go far, the source of the crying turns out to be the dumpster around the corner. Cautiously she looks over the edge and…

Finds herself staring into a very familiar set of blue eyes. Barbara and the Trollhunter share a moment of frozen shock.

The lanky blue troll is curled in a nest of trash. He’s holding his arm close to him, she can see that there’s an open wound on it through a tear in his dark blue hoodie. More puzzling the blood is red instead of silver blue as trolls generally bleed or purple like a changeling’s. Even though she’s seen him bleed she has never noticed that before.

The Trollhunter breaks out of the trance and growls at her. Barbara tenses, ready to fight, but he doesn’t move.

“What do _you _want?” He asks instead. “Are you here to kill me?”

She stills at that, unsure.

The troll stares at her for a moment longer before letting a harsh scoff. He turns away, curling away from her and into himself.

“Go ahead, do your worst,” He says in a jaded tone. “I don’t care.”

Barbara is left staring at his back in shock. This is so far outside her normal interactions with him that she doesn’t know what to think. Normally they start fighting on sight. She’s always hated the way he can sound so righteous and noble when working for an abhorrent being like Merlin.

None of that confidence is here right now. Despite being a six foot tall being made of stone, the Trollhunter looks so small and broken and defeated… _like her_.

Barbara sighs and pushes back her hair. It’s drenched now. The water has worked its way through her clothing as well, she feels even more miserable. She glances back at the awning she had been sitting under.

“I’m getting back under cover,” She says finally. “You can join me if you want.”

The garbage rustles as he turns to stare at her in shock. She ignores it and returns to her shelter, sitting against the wall again. To Barbara’s surprise she hears a rattle and a couple thumps and then a large form settles down beside her. She glances to her right to confirm that, yes, it really is him; she hadn’t expected him to actually join her.

They sit there in awkward silence.

“Let me see your arm,” Barbara says finally. The dark patch of blood on his sleeve is bothering her.

The Trollhunter glares at her and pulls the injured appendage closer to his body. She sighs. That was fair.

“Look,” She says. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just…”

She trails off unsure how to finish that thought.

“I used to be a doctor,” She says instead. It feels like such a long time ago. Back before her world was shattered and she lost herself to revenge. “I can help you.”

He snorts at that, lip curling slightly to expose a sharp canine.

“At what price? My soul? Your mistress seems pretty keen on them.”

For a moment she draws herself up to argue, but just as quickly she deflates. There isn’t any fight in her tonight. She’s tired of it all; she wants to be whole again.

“I just want to do something right for once.” God, she sounds tired.

She can practically feel his gaze on her, assessing. For as brash as he often seems, the Trollhunter is not stupid.

“Fine, but no magic.”

She blinks in surprise as he holds out his arm. Slowly she reaches out to touch it. He flinches at the contact, but doesn’t pull away, so she draws it into her lap. She glances at his face out of instinct but he’s looking away. His shoulders are tense.

Moving carefully, so as to not worsen the injury or startle the troll, she begins to examine the wound. It appears to be a slash from a bladed weapon of some form, about a half inch deep and seven inches long. It must have been a pretty hard blow to have cut through his stone skin; even harsher if he had been wearing his armor.

She pulls out the small first aid kit that she carries for herself and picks out the alcohol to clean the cut. Once she’s done with that, she’s left hovering uncertainly. She isn’t sure that she has anything that would be useful in closing a troll’s wounds.

“It will heal on its own in a day or so,” The Trollhunter says indifferently, as if sensing her thoughts.

She doesn’t like that statement.

“It will heal a lot better if it’s closed,” She responds.

He grunts.

After another moment of consideration, she pulls out some superglue and carefully spreads it along the edge of the cut.

“This is going to hurt,” She warns him before pressing the sides together.

He stays tense and silent as she waits for the glue to set, once she’s sure it won’t come apart, she bandages it and then makes a makeshift sling.

“Put this on and then keep it in the sling and dry for your normal healing period,” She tells him, a little bit of her old “doctor voice” slipping back in.

He nods and then they’re back to sitting in silence. The rain continues without ceasing. A truck blows its horn. The Trollhunter pulls his hood lower at the sound.

“So why are you out here?” He asks.

“I needed a break,” She says.

He nods solemnly at that.

“Me too,” he says. “training was…”

He trails off and she figures that’s all she’ll hear of that line of thought. Only a fool divulges their personal issues to their enemy.

“Is it bad to have friends?” He asks suddenly.

She stares at him in surprise.

“I… I know my job is dangerous and that I have a duty, but… but,” His voice wavers. “I just… is it really that selfish?”

There’s a quiet desperation in his eyes as he stares at her, brows furrowed and pointed ears low in his shaggy hair. Her enemy is utterly vulnerable and all she can think is…

“How old are you?”

He blinks looking as caught off guard as she feels. Wariness returns to his expression for a moment and then he shrugs.

“Fifteen,” He says, voice slightly defiant.

Fifteen… _Fifteen!_

Barbara leans back against the wall, a feeling of shell-shocked numbness and disbelief running though her. She’s been fighting a child.

Wait…

“If I remember correctly fifteen year old trolls are still infants…”

“I’m not a regular troll,” He says giving her a crooked sort of grin.

Of course he’s not. She’s known that. She’d just never thought about what that entailed.

She runs her hand through her hair with a sigh, deciding not to pursue that line of questioning. She doesn’t want to hear more of Merlin’s atrocities right now…

“To answer your question,” She says instead. “I don’t think it matters if you’re being selfish.”

He blinks at this.

“Everyone needs friends, especially someone your age. It’s good to be a little selfish. As someone once told me: ‘Do what's good for you, or you're not good for anybody’.”

“Oh,” He says, he faces forward again seeming to contemplate this idea with a look of wonder and surprise as if no one’s ever suggested that. “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

They sit in silence listening to the rain again, but it doesn’t feel quite as uncomfortable now.


	2. The Tower (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim just wants to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jim is six in this chapter.

“I want to go home.”

Jim’s demand fell flat against the stone walls and dusty shelves of the room. The man who claimed he was Merlin didn’t respond; he just kept scribbling away on his roll of yellowed paper. Every once in a while he would glance at one of the many books on the table. Jim wasn’t sure if he was ignoring him or had just not heard.

“I’m leaving,” Jim announced.

No response. Jim carefully started moving toward the ornate wooden door that he was _fairly_ certain led outside. “Merlin” was still scribbling away. He put his hand on doorknob, it was cold. He glanced back. Still nothing. Jim’s heart was beating fast as he eased open the door and slipped through.

He closed it quickly behind him and squirmed excitedly. He was out! It was far easier than he had expected.

He looked around trying to figure out where he was. The door was on one side of him and on the other was a dark tunnel, lit in places by glowing green stones. Jim eyed them with wide eyes.

Toby would have liked them. Jim had met him a year ago just before his birthday and they were now best friends. He had even shown Jim his special rock collection. Jim drifted toward one of the low-hanging green crystals but stopped. Mom said stealing wasn’t good.

He was already being bad by disobeying an grown-up and running away.

Jim frowned, hesitating by the door; he really shouldn’t be doing this, but he didn’t think Merlin was a good person. Mom had warned him that there were bad people and that he shouldn’t go with them or do what they said. Though he wasn’t sure if that applied in this situation since he hadn’t gone with Merlin: he had just woken up here... What if Mom had left him with Merlin like she used to with Gramma sometimes?

But she always told him when she was going to that. And she always said goodbye. Not like Dad…

He shook his head hard to get rid of that thought before turning away from the door. Mom wouldn’t abandon him and he didn’t want to be here anymore. He would find his way home. If he was wrong Mom would forgive him.

The tunnel was dark and cold. Every once in a while it would spit in two. The growing crystals stopped being interesting and cool and started feeling creepy. Their eerie light bothered his eyes. Jim found himself getting more and more confused. He wasn’t even sure how to get back to the door. He let out a quiet whimper.

Maybe if he went just a little farther…

He rounded the corner and found himself in front of a very familiar door. He was back where he started.

Jim frowned. That was strange…

He decided to try again. And again. And again…

When Jim found himself at the wooden door yet again, he felt his face crumple. He sniffed a few times and a tear trickled down his cheek. What was he doing wrong? Frustrated and lonely, he curled up beside the door and started crying.

He had been there for a while, and was starting to get cold, when the door opened. Warm yellow light spilled out, partially blocked by a tall silhouette. He peeked out from behind his hands to see Merlin staring down at him.

“Come back inside, boy. If you stay out in the caves you’ll catch cold.”

Jim glared up at him for a moment. A shiver ran through him, causing him to wrap his arms around his skinny frame. Despite that he refused to get up. He didn’t want to go back there, he wanted to go home.

He didn’t get much of a choice. He let out a yelp as he was lifted up and carried, struggling, back inside.

Once they were back in, and the door was closed, Merlin wrapped him in a large thick blanket, set him in a chair, and handed him a cup of something warm. Coco he realized. He held it in his hands but didn’t drink it, choosing instead to glare at Merlin as the man settled into the chair across from him.

“How long will I be here?” Jim asked.

No response.

“Why am I here?”

“I told you: I’m training you.”

“Why?” Jim asked, frustrated.

He had said something like that when Jim had first woken up here. That Jim had an important destiny that he had to prepare him for.

But Jim knew training was like teaching. He went to school for teaching and _they_ let him go home each day. The teacher, Miss Crumbstead, didn’t ignore him either. She answered his questions and would give him and the other kids fun things to play with and draw. Merlin didn’t do any of these things.

He didn’t think Merlin was going to answer but to his surprise the old man looked up. He set down his pen and put his hands together in front of him. Jim straightened uncomfortably under his gaze.

“I wanted to wait a while longer to talk to you about this but I suppose you need some explanation before you can settle in.”

His blue-grey eyes were intense as he studied Jim carefully before he sighed and a tired sort of look formed on his face, like the one Mom had when she had told Jim Dad wouldn’t be coming home for Thanksgiving. He rose from his chair and went over to one of the shelves, shuffling around for a moment, before he came back and set a small yellow crystal down between them.

“There is great evil in this world,” Merlin started.

He rested his hand on the crystal and it flickered and released blast of yellow light. Jim shielded his eyes. When he put his hand down, he saw that the light was forming into shapes: huge beings with horns and armor and fangs. He ducked down behind the back of his chair, watching them fearfully.

“One such evil took the form of the Gumm-Gumms. They were a vicious group of trolls that ate humans and wreaked havoc… _hurt_ other trolls that didn’t agree with them.”

Jim covered his eyes, shaking. He didn’t want to see this.

“In order to protect the humans and drive them back. I created a magical amulet that would choose a champion and gift them with great power.”

Jim peeked through his fingers and saw the image had shifted to a different, less scary, one of the horned creatures. It held a glowing disk in its hands. Its lips moved as if it was saying something and a suit of armor materialized around it.

“Thus started the line of Trollhunters,” Merlin said, a slight smile briefly appearing on his face.

He circled around the table to stand beside Jim and set a hand on his shoulder. Jim shifted uncomfortably but let it stay as he watched the images fade away.

“But what… why am I here?”

“You are destined to be the next Trollhunter,” Merlin stated.

Jim turned around to stare at him in surprise.

“Me?” He squeaked.

Merlin nodded.

“Indeed.” He took a step away, clasping his hands behind his back and turning away from Jim. “I saw it in a vision. You were able to finally defeat two of the greatest evils the world has known.”

He paused.

“Or rather will. But not before damage was done.”

He set another crystal next to the yellow one, a blue one this time. He tapped them together and whispered words that Jim couldn’t understand.

They flared for a moment and then cast out a red light. Jim jumped as the shapes of the Gumm-Gumms reformed. This time in Arcadia! There were people fleeing for their lives. Destruction and chaos was everywhere. Jim’s breathing quickened to the point he was rapidly becoming light headed.

Merlin picked up crystals and the image vanished. Jim stared up at him with wide eyes. The wizard’s expression was solemn. He knelt down to Jim’s level.

“That is why I brought you here,” He said gently, holding Jim’s gaze with his own. “To start training you early so this time when the time comes you will be ready to do what you need to.”

“C… Can’t.. Couldn’t someone else do it? I… I’m not big or strong… or… or…”

Merlin shook his head.

“I’ve studied many futures,” He said firmly.

His hand brushed over the crystal again. Images flickered by quicker than Jim could truly take them in, but slow enough that he could see the destruction and devastation.

“…You must be the Trollhunter, it is the only way.”

Jim was quivering. He started to wrap his arms around himself, but Merlin gently pulled them back down.

“But what about Mom?” He whimpered.

He couldn’t leave her. He didn’t want to, but especially not after seeing how badly it had hurt her when Dad left had left them.

“Can’t she stay here too?”

Merlin sighed and looked away.

“I’m afraid not,” He said. “Being Trollhunter is dangerous. If your enemies know who you care about they will try to hurt them. Do you really want to bring her into that?”

Jim thought about the evil man-eating trolls and shook his head weakly. He didn’t want Mom to get hurt. Before he could say anything else, Merlin continued.

“You can see her eventually, once you’re strong enough, but for now I need you to focus on your training. Will you do that?”

Jim hesitated, this was big and scary, but if he didn’t…

“Okay.”

Merlin smiled and patted his head.

“I knew you would make the right decision.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments!
> 
> The next chapter will be Barbara's first interaction with Morgana. I was going to have it be part of this chapter, but it was being stubborn and I'm impatient. There's also a time jump, so I think it probably works better this way.
> 
> Also writing from a kid's perspective is tricky and I would welcome any critiques. 
> 
> This story will be alternating between the past and present (events that will be taking place after Jim and Barbara's interactions in the first chapter) I will be showing that with tenses. Events happening in the present will be chronological, while events in the past will jump around a bit. It's a bit of a style experiment for me so I'd love to hear what you think.


	3. The Tower (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara is desperate to get her son back. Desperation and magic are a dangerous combination.

The candles flickered, casting eerie shadows on the walls of the basement as Barbara opened the envelope containing Jim’s baby hair. She carefully removed a single strand and wound it around the dowsing crystal. She released it to hang freely and it bobbed aimlessly casting little motes of light on the map beneath it.

“ivevzo gsv ldmvi.” Barbara murmured. The words came out in a plume of white breath and settled on the crystal.

She watched, every fiber of her being was tense, as it started to swing back and forth. She prayed to anyone that was listening that it would work this time. The crystal spun faster and faster, then…

It gradually slowed until it went limp.

She stared at it blankly for a moment before bringing her fist down on the table with a sharp frustrated growl. The crystal clinked pitifully against one of the candleholders.

Why couldn’t she find him? What was she doing wrong?

Barbara rested her head in her hands and her shoulders shook but no tears came. It had been eleven months now since Jim had been kidnapped, seven since she had remembered what had actually happened. She needed to figure out _something _soon. The more time passed, the less likely she was to get him back.

She was beginning to wonder if there _was_ a Jim to get back. She heard stories of what sometimes happened to children who were taken: decades passing before their bones were found in some rarely visited park. Not to mention some of the magic books had warned of the more dangerous… _cruel _things people did with magic.

Barbara quickly squashed that thought down. She refused to give up on her son.

She got up from her chair and paced around in the basement. The flames of the candles ducked and bobbed with every stirring of air created by her movements.

Maybe she was going about this the wrong way. She’d been trying to locate Jim after all, but what if she tried to find his kidnapper instead…

The problem with that was she knew next to nothing about the man aside from his appearance. All the spells and charms for finding people, or at least the ones she’d acquired, generally required something like hair or a personal belonging or a name. She had none of those.

She completed another circuit of the floor. One of the candles wavered and died. Shadows crawled into the emptiness the light left.

Barbara paused, an idea forming.

She shifted through the stacks of magic books until she found the old leather bound one at the bottom. She had been hesitant to use it because a lot of the spells in it were exactly what the other books had warned against but… well… the other books had gotten her no closer to finding Jim.

She sat back down and relit the candle that had gone out. Jim’s hair tickled her fingers as she wrapped her hands the dowsing crystal and concentrated. At first she focused on Jim and on her desperation to get him back, but then she thought of the man that had taken him. She tried to imagine him clearly in her mind. The curl of righteous anger that had been burning in her sparked viciously. This time she didn’t fight it. There was power in strong emotions.

She waited until her whole being was tingling with rage and magic and then she pricked her finger on the crystal.

“Tfrwv nv, Evmtvzmxv!” She snarled.

She released the crystal. It swung out from her hand, a drop of red glimmering on the tip of it, and instead of circling as it had before it came to an immediate stop.

Barbara stared, open-mouthed, as the dowsing crystal hung there an angle, a soft yellow light glowing from inside it. The drop of blood slipped off its tip and fell, marking the map.

* * *

The bell jingled as Barbara slipped into the antique shop. It was an unusual store created in an ancient barn. She wouldn’t have been surprised if the rickety structure had been built by the first settlers in this area. It was the sort of place that old things gathered.

Once inside the crystal, still glowing a faint yellow, lead her to the far back of the upstairs. The dusty rafters that soared above her head held chandeliers and model planes and paper kites. In this corner, a shaft of light from the window lit a small section of items that appeared to be from either the first or second world war. An air of melancholy hung over them.

She took another step; she could almost feel the magic in the crystal pulling her forward. It pulsed once, twice, and then there was a blinding yellow flash and the crystal hung dull and lifeless again.

Absently Barbara tucked it in her pocket as she looked at the collection of stuff before her. This was certainly better than searching the whole building but…

The small radio at the front of the display started crackling. Barbara jerked, caught off guard by the sound. The display on the front of it flickered as it turned on.

_“Hello,”_ A woman’s voice whispered through the static.

Barbara eyed it warily. If it wasn’t for the tingle of magic in the air she might have thought this was a prank.

_“It’s rude not to answer,”_ The voice said in a chiding tone.

“Who are you?” Barbara asked.

She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting. Certainly not a strange woman speaking to her through a radio. Despite the poor quality of the speaker and the persistent static the voice was… beautiful. Enchanting even. It seeped through Barbara like a cold fog.

_“I have many names but you may call me Morgana.”_

“Morgana,” Barbara repeated. Where had she heard that name? “What are you? Are you an oracle or a spirit?”

Morgana laughed.

_“Of course not. I am a sorceress: a user of ancient magic and spells. It is by those powers I can channel my voice to you… But enough about me. Tell me, child, what do you seek? I can feel your rage and despair. They are what drew my attention to you.” _

There was an intense interest in her voice. The fine hair on the back of Barbara’s neck prickled. Something deep and primal in the back of her mind whispered “run”. She ignored it. Her magic had led her here. This was the first lead she had found and she would be damned if she threw it away that easily.

She drew in a breath and began talking before she could second guess herself.

“I… eleven months ago my son was taken from me,” She started carefully, uncomfortable sharing this with a stranger. “It was the night of his birthday… I came upstairs to check on him while he was sleeping and there was this old man getting ready to carry him away through a glowing green circle of light. I tried to stop him…” She paused and swallowed. “But he did something. When I woke up I couldn’t remember what had happened. I only knew that Jim was gone.”

She drew in a shaky breath.

“I kept getting flashes of memory until seven months ago when it all came back. I’ve been trying to find him since.”

_“I see,”_ Morgana said with a thoughtful hum. _“The fact you were able to push through the memory charm testifies to the strength of your magic.”_

There was a pause, broken only by the flickering static of the radio. Barbara vaguely registered that the light from the window had dimmed slightly. It was getting late.

_“Green magic you said… Can you describe what the man looked like?”_

“He was old,” Barbara started. “He had grey hair and a beard… and a rather beaky nose. He was wearing black armor with a strange little piece of metal up on top of his head… oh and he had a staff with a glowing green crystal… An emerald maybe?”

_ “Merlin,” _Morgana hissed.

A glass on a nearby shelf rattled.

“You recognize him?” Barbara asked, before registering the name. “Wait… Merlin? Like from the old stories about King Arthur?”

Morgana scoffed.

_“Of course _ **he** _ would be the one everyone thinks of… but, yes... He and Arthur were very real. Keep in mind that the stories have been changed quite a bit over time.” _

There was a pause.

_“Perhaps we can help each other.”_

“With what?” Barbara had been half expecting this, it would be odd if this strange, seemingly powerful, woman was willing to help her for nothing.

_“We share a common enemy,”_ Morgana said in a slow thoughtful tone. _“The man who stole your son is the same one who trapped me in this prison…”_

“Trapped you?”

_“Yes. We were once something like friends, but then he cut off my hand to make a magic amulet. I attacked him seeking to avenge myself and to reclaim my flesh. He tried to kill me but could not, so he froze me in crystal.”_

“He cut off your hand?!”

Barbara felt sick to her stomach. If he had done _that_ to someone who thought of him as a friend what would he do to Jim? She felt her heartrate pick up, blood thumping in her ears. She wouldn’t let that happen. This whole thing was fishy, and Barbara didn’t doubt Morgana was hiding things, but this was her best chance. She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath.

“What do I do?”

_“So you will help me?” _Morgana purred.

“Yes. I will do whatever it takes to get Jim back and stop Merlin.”

_“Splendid! Then I shall be your guide so long as our goals aline.”_

She paused and in that moment of quiet Barbara heard the shopkeeper call that it was closing time. The sun had vanished from the window.

_“Oh!” _

Barbara shifted her gaze back to the radio.

_“I don’t believe I’ve gotten your name yet.”_

The shopkeeper called out again and Barbara ignored him, she would head downstairs in a moment.

“It’s Barbara… Barbara Lake.”

“_Barbara… _Lake…” Morgana drew the name out slowly, seeming to taste it. “_I look forward to getting to know you.”_

Barbara shivered. In the many long years that followed she would desperately wish she had left that radio and ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title "The Tower" references a tarot card.
> 
> This chapter took forever to write, but I'm glad I took the time.
> 
> As always be sure to let me know what you think!


	4. The Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanjigar seeks outside help to end the threat of the changelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is chronologically the first to take place.

“Are you sure about this?”

The Amulet of Daylight sat on the table before Vendal. His hands rested close to it, waiting.

“You will not be able to reassemble it on your own. If you chance to encounter an enemy…”

“Do it,” Kanjigar said. “I know the risks.”

The elder sighed. They had been arguing about this for months now. In truth, from the time when Kanjigar had first come to him with the book containing a map to Merlin’s tomb, he had known there would be no dissuading him.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try.

“If you are sure…”

“I am.” The Trollhunter’s voice was firm. He would not back down from this. His eyes narrowed as he looked back at the door that lead out from the Heartstone into Trollmarket. “I am tired of waiting as changelings freely roam the surface doing as they please.”

“And you believe that _Merlin_ will help you with this?... _Assuming_ that he is even still alive.”

Kanjigar gave him a level stare.

Vendal sighed again.

“Very well.”

He picked up his tools and began the careful work of dismantling the amulet.

When he was done Vendal carefully laid the metal parts and glowing blue stone into a padded box. He shut it and handed it to Kanjigar.

“Do not lose _a single_ piece,” He warned. “If you do, the amulet may never work again.”

Privately Vendal wondered if that would be such a bad thing. He had seen far too many good trolls go to their deaths in Merlin’s name. It was not something he would ever voice aloud but sometimes he thought they might be better off without it.

“I will be careful.”

Kanjigar placed the box in one of the pouches on his belt, alongside the non-magical sword that he was carrying for this venture. It was strange to see him without the Daylight armor. He wore it so constantly that he seemed another person without it.

“See that you are,” Vendal murmured as his longtime friend turned and left his chamber.

The elder of Trollmarket couldn’t help the shudder of foreboding that swept through him. For all of their sakes he hoped that he was wrong and that seeking the help of a wizard did not prove a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was going to be longer and include Kanjigar waking Merlin but it didn't fit the tone that I was going for. Therefore after a lot of back and forth I decided it was better to cut it off here.
> 
> The name of the chapter, like the last two, is a reference to a tarot card. It can represent beginnings but also reversed can represent recklessness and risk-taking. It seemed fitting.
> 
> Kanjigar's intentions are good but he has opened Pandora's box. I am really looking forward to writing from his perspective.


	5. Breaking Point and a Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin finally pushes Jim too far and Jim makes a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Abuse and brief suicidal ideation.

Eli watched with bated breath as the small green creepers swarmed up the side of the building like grotesque frogs. He couldn’t believe his luck. All his previous attempts to spot them had only captured images of blurs and distant blobs on his camera, but this…

Eli’s hands shook as he lifted leveled his phone and a snapped a picture. Unfortunately he had forgotten to turn off the shutter sound. The creatures stiffened and started looking around at the click. One of them started sniffing the air and moving in his direction. Eli quickly covered his mouth and ducked down behind the bush.

_Stupid!_

This was _exactly _the kind of amateur mistake that got people killed in horror movies.

A sniffing noise was getting rapidly closer. It was just on the other side of the bush. It paused and he heard a raspy murmur that wasn’t human or animal.

He should probably run.

Before he could formulate a plan any farther than that, something wrapped around his waist and he was airborne.

He let out a shriek and the night burst into a cacophony of noise as the creepers came pouring over the bushes.

Fortunately whatever was carrying him was staying well ahead of them. Eli managed to twist around enough to see what was holding him and squeaked.

It was a big blue creeper, one of the stone ones. It had tusks and horns and a glowing suit of armor.

The creeper tightened its grip on him and jumped. All the air left Eli’s lungs. He didn’t get a chance to even try to suck in a breath before they touched down on a tree branch and the creeper was leaping again.

Eli whimpered as they shot from one perch to the next, only pausing long enough for his rescuer… or kidnapper?... to gather itself for another leap.

By the time they finally stopped, he was feeling sick. Eli leaned over and retched, losing the whole of his dinner on the ground behind the dumpster they were crouching behind.

“Sorry,” A quiet rumbling voice said.

Eli jumped and then his eyes widened with surprise as he realized it was the creeper that had spoken.

“You can talk… I mean you know _English_?” Eli asked forgetting his fear in the excitement of new discovery.

The creeper blinked and leaned back slightly, nose wrinkling as it stared at him. It was actually surprisingly humanoid, now that he got a chance to get a good look at it. Almost in an uncanny valley way, but not quite.

“…yes,” It said finally. “Why wouldn’t I be able to?”

“I’ve only been able to get close enough to hear the green creepers before,” Eli exclaimed. He was talking to an actual creeper! This was so cool! “They aren’t able to talk far as I can tell.”

“Creepers? Do you mean the goblins?”

“Is that what they are?!”

The armored creeper stared at him, before shaking its head.

“Come on, you need to go home. It’s not safe here.”

“But… but I have so many questions.” Eli stared at it pleadingly.

The creeper eyed him again.

“I can answer some on the way to your house…”

* * *

Jim wasn’t sure what to think of the strange teenager he rescued from the goblin pack.

Despite almost being eaten and despite Jim being some sort of half-human, half-troll, monster, the gangly black-haired human -Who had at some point introduced himself as Elijah Pepperjack (“but everyone calls me Eli”)- was positively glowing with enthusiasm as he peppered Jim with questions.

Bemusement at the entire situation caused Jim to answer far more of them than he was really supposed to.

Eventually they reached the human’s house.

“You have keys right?” Jim asked, because there wouldn’t be much point in rescuing him only to leave him trapped outside his home.

Eli nodded and then dug around in his pocket for a moment before producing the aforementioned keys.

“Good,” Jim said. He gave him what he hoped was a firm authoritative stare. “_Please_ don’t go out in the dark. I might not always be in time to save you. Have a good night.”

Jim turned toward the bushes and bent his legs, preparing to leap into the nearest tree.

“Wait!”

Jim paused and glanced back.

“I… I um…” Eli stammered. “I was wondering if you wanted to stay and like watch a movie or something?”

The Trollhunter blinked, it was one thing to accept a walk home from a creature that had protected him but to invite a troll into his house? Did Elijah Pepperjack have no self-preservation instincts?

Jim should have said no then. He’d already interacted with the human far more than he should. He glanced toward the woods and then toward the house. His ears flicked. Why was he still hesitating?

“My mom’s not home, so no one will see you,” Eli continued, looking up at him with wide pleading brown eyes.

Meaning he wouldn’t be showing himself to any new humans.

Jim wavered. It had been years since he’d gotten to watch a movie or do any normal human things. Merlin was out, so he didn’t really have to worry about when he arrived back at the cave.

He tapped his fingers against his thigh. His armor clinked.

_But Arcadia… _

Arcadia would be fine for a little. He had been close enough to the end of his patrol to see that Eli had been the only human about outside right now.

“Sure,” He said slowly.

Yeah he could work with this. He was making sure that Eli, the only human crazy enough to wander Arcadia at night, was staying indoors. That was totally doing his job, right?

“Really?!”

Jim’s lips twitched into an involuntary smile. Eli looked like he had been he’d been given a trip to Santa’s workshop for Christmas and just found out it was the real deal.

“Yeah, just tonight.”

One night wouldn’t hurt anything.

* * *

“So this is where you’ve been disappearing to.”

Jim froze.

Merlin was standing in the shadows of the tree with his arms folded. His lips were drawn into a thin line.

Immediately a wave of guilt washed over him. He had only meant to hang out with Eli once but then… well… He’d had fun and Eli had had fun and he’d been invited back… and it would have been _rude_ to refuse so he’d agreed to meet again … and that second visit had turned into a third and a fourth and…

And now he was here.

“Are... are you mad at me?” Jim asked carefully.

Merlin sighed. He pressed the tips of his fingers to his forehead and rubbed them in circles like he had a headache.

“I’m not mad just disappointed.” He sounded it too.

Jim flinched, ears pressing down.

Merlin turned away.

“Come,” He said. “We’re going home.”

He disappeared far into the darkness of the woods and, after a quick glance back at the house behind him, Jim followed.

~

The walk back to the caves occurred in relative silence. Honestly Jim wished Merlin would just yell at him or something. As it was, the calm emotionless expression on his mentor’s face left him tense and anxious.

“You know what you’ve done wrong,” Merlin stated when they were back in their abode.

“Yes,” Jim said, hanging his head slightly. “I showed myself to a human.”

Merlin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“A simple slip up is one thing, but you _repeatedly _visited this human.”

“…But he already knows about me and is keeping it secret,” Jim said softly. “You’re always busy and I…” He hesitated. “It’s nice to have someone to spend time with.”

Merlin huffed.

“You have your training and Snip.” The cat in question opened an eye at the mention of her name. “If that isn’t enough you can always go to Trollmarket, I’m sure they can find you something to do.”

Jim’s ears pressed against the side of his head. There was certainly always _something_ for him to do at Trollmarket, Bagdwella at least made sure of that, but they didn’t really like or trust him there. He remembered how they had first reacted to him and despite pretending otherwise he heard the whispers.

_Abomination. _

They had to test him with a gaggletack to make sure he wasn’t a changeling before they’d even allow him to roam free. He’d barely been able to hide his flinch when the iron horseshoe had burned his skin, causing his magic to buzz anxiously as it tried to make him shift but couldn’t since his normal form was halfway between his other two. The trainers he’d been assigned where nice enough but…

“It’s just nice to have someone my age…”

Merlin stood up. The metal feet on his chair shrieked as they grated on the stone floor. Jim flinched at the sound.

“Come,” He said sharply and the half-troll quickly obeyed.

Merlin led him to the large cave that served as their training room. Jim stood stiffly in front of the door as the wizard shuffled around in a pile of props.

“Hmm… Ah yes! Here it is.”

He pulled out a straw dummy and set it in the middle of the room.

“So you want to spend time with this… _Elijah Pepperjack_,” Merlin said. Jim twitched in surprise. How long had Merlin known about his visits to have found Eli’s full name? “I’ve warned you before that it’s too dangerous but it seems I should expect you to go against my advice anyway.”

Jim opened his mouth to protest but stopped when Merlin kept speaking.

“If you want to persist in this… this _dalliance_ I suppose I can’t stop you, but I must make sure you know what you are getting into.”

He turned to the side and gestured.

“Let’s pretend that this training dummy is your human friend.”

Merlin raised his hand and Excalibur materialized in it. The lights of the crystals glinted off the blade and his armor casting motes of light on the floor.

“Defend him from me.”

“What?!”

“Come Trollhunter, show me how well you can protect someone.”

With that Merlin lunged with his sword toward the training dummy. Jim felt his adrenaline surge as he managed to just barely summon his armor in the nick of time. He threw Daylight, deflecting Excalibur and buying him enough time to get between Merlin and Eli… the training dummy.

The wizard didn’t wait for him to recover his sword and lunged forward slicing at Jim with rapid two-handed strokes. Jim was still somewhat off guard and couldn’t rally his concentration enough to resummon Daylight. He managed to call his shield and held it up to fend off the blows and tried to push Merlin back.

“Come,” Merlin snarled impatiently at him. “I’ve trained you better than this.”

Merlin caught the shield with one of his arm-blades. The next stoke of his sword hit the amulet. Jim staggered, disoriented, as the blue light flickered. Murmurs of distant voices whispered in his ears and his armor vanished. Merlin took advantage and dealt a fast two handed stroke against him. He cried out as it cut into his arm.

Excalibur’s magic _burned_ and Jim dropped to his knees clutching at the wound with a pained snarl.

Too late he recognized the distraction. He forced himself to his feet in a panic, pulling his hand away from to wound to summon Daylight…

And stopped.

Excalibur was sticking out from the chest of the training dummy.

Jim stared blankly at it.

“See?” Merlin said.

He strode over to the dummy and pulled the sword out with a sharp tug, spilling straw across the floor.

“If that had been a human, he would have been dead,” Merlin continued in his lecture tone. “Ours is not world for mere humans. Do you think your enemies will hold back on you? Do you think they won’t hesitate to use _friends_ against you?”

Jim shook his head. His voice seemed to have shriveled into a lump in his throat. His arm throbbed. He glanced down at it and saw a drop of blood trickle off the side of his arm fall onto the floor.

It felt like a vice was closing in on his ribcage.

He wanted to leave.

“Do you understand?” Merlin was asking.

“Yes,” Jim said quietly, voice barely audible. “May I go?”

“You may,” Merlin said. He sounded closer.

Jim flinched slightly when his… mentor laid a hand on his shoulder.

“I know this seems harsh, but I really do have your best interests in mind,” The man said softly. “The Trollhunter has always worked alone. It’s better that way. Now go take care of yourself.”

Jim listened silently, eyes still on the floor, as Merlin left the room.

The moment he was sure the wizard was really gone, he bolted for the door to the outside.

~

Jim wasn’t entirely sure how he ended up in a dumpster but he didn’t particularly care. It was in a secluded part of town, there was no humans, no trolls, and no Merlin there.

The reek of the trash was subdued in the gentle patter of the rain and the light from the lone streetlamp barely reached him here.

He curled into himself and started shaking. He didn’t have any real words for what he was feeling but it felt like hurt and emptiness and a blade lodged in his chest all at once.

He wanted other people to be safe, he really did. But idea of continuing to fight alone until he returned to dust or stone… or whatever a half-creature like him became… felt so… so pointless. It wasn’t just Merlin being against him being friends with Eli. It was Kanjigar’s death, and his mom being gone and Trollmarket’s cold reaction to his appearance and… and…

A pained sob tore itself out of his chest.

It hurt.

He just wanted it to be done.

He just wanted to rest.

The sound of footsteps jerked him out of his misery and he looked up to see a mop of red hair, now drenched with rainwater, and a familiar pair of blue eyes staring at him.

They widened as they met his.

Nemesis, champion of Morganna, seemed every bit as shocked to see him as he did her.

* * *

~~

* * *

Jim shifts slightly and the branch creaks under him. From his current position he can see through the widow of Elijah Pepperjack without the human spotting him. The teenager is currently sitting at his desk chewing on a pencil as he stares down at a book with furrowed brow. The warm light from his window stops just short of where Jim’s dark fingernails dig into the bark beneath him.

He shouldn’t even be here. He knows better than to ignore Merlin’s warnings. The wizard already has too many variables to deal with without Jim adding his own willfulness to the mix. Anyway, he’s really only looking out for Jim.

Jim knows that but…

But when he’d ran into Nemesis, he’d been ready to let her _kill_ him. He’d seen her familiar face above him and been almost relieved. It wasn’t like he really had anything to live for after all.

And yet…

She hadn’t even tried. She had invited him to sit with her and patched the cut on his arm with an uncharacteristic gentleness. He hadn’t known what to do.

Then –in what was probably his most foolish decision ever- he’d asked her for advice.

She’d given it.

So here he is, contemplating the value of friendship based on the advice from an enemy.

Jim sighs and runs a hand over his face, ignoring the faint rasp of stone on stone.

This is insane. He should just leave. He’ll be putting Elijah in danger. There’s no way he can make sure that the human is always safe, not with the whole of Arcadia to protect.

He stands up and starts to turn away, but the warm glow of from the bedroom window draws him back.

_“Do what's good for you, or you're not good for anybody,” _Nemesis’ voice echoes in his memory.

The sincerity that he’d seen in her eyes causes a pang of _something_ (something painful but almost sweet) to form in his heart. He just wants something outside of his duty… a chance to be someone outside of the Trollhunter. To be Jim again.

Can’t he be selfish just this once?

* * *

Eli sits at his desk trying to work on his homework. He can’t focus. He’s been reading the same paragraph for the last hour but still isn’t sure what it says.

He makes a frustrated sound and throws himself back in his chair. It balances precariously on two legs as he shoves his glasses up and scrubs at his eyes.

“You’re losing it, Pepperjack,” He says reproachfully to himself. “Why would someone that cool want to be your friend anyway?”

“Eli!”

Eli looks up to see a blue face and glowing eyes staring in his window. He lets out a high pitched scream and topples over backwards.

“Eli! Are you all right?” His mom calls from downstairs.

“I’m fine!” He yells back. “Just tipped over my chair.”

“Again? You need to be more careful!”

Eli blushes but scrambles to his feet and quickly lunges forward to open his window.

“You came back!” He says, a hesitant, excited smile forming on his face as the blue creeper…. No, _troll_, he reminds himself… climbs into his room. He _did_ come back. It had been weeks, Eli had started to think that he wasn’t going to.

“Yeah,” the Trollhunter says slowly.

He looks uncertain. His eyes dart from side to side before he turns around and closes the window behind him. He then closes the blinds for good measure.

“What… are you doing?” Eli asks hesitantly.

He’s never behaved this way before.

“We need to talk,” The Trollhunter says and Eli’s heart immediately plummets to his toes.

That phrase _never_ leads to anything good.

“Wha… What do you want to talk about?” Eli’s voice sounds small.

He’d known that this whole thing was too good to last. Cool monster heroes like the Trollhunter weren’t the sort of people to be friends with nerdy nobodies like Eli.

The troll doesn’t seem to notice his hesitance. He picks up one of Eli’s model flying saucers and turns it around in his hands before putting it back and sitting cross-legged on Eli’s bed.

“You should sit down too.”

Eli obeys, the feeling of dread growing in his chest. The Trollhunter opens his mouth and Eli braces himself.

“I want to be friends,” He says, brows furrowed and expression grim.

Eli’s brain derails.

“Y-you do? But why…”

The expression and statement don’t really match.

“I need to explain some things first, so you know what you’re getting into,” He continues. “Then you can decide if you want to be friends.”

“Of course I want to…”

He is silenced by a sharp look.

“I told you when we first met that I was tasked with protecting Arcadia, right?”

Eli nods quietly. He certainly won’t be forgetting_ that_ meeting soon.

“There are a lot of people who aren’t particularly happy about that. In fact they would do anything… use _anyone_… to get to me…”

The troll looks down at his hand for a moment before clenching it into a fist. A soft growl rumbles from his throat, causing Eli to jump.

“If you decide to be friends with me… if _anyone_ finds out… you, and your family, will be in danger. Do you understand?”

He continues going on to detail exactly what changelings and goblins and _Bular_ are capable of. It was something he told Eli back when they first met and he was trying to discourage him from studying the supernatural. He sounds for all the world as if he’s trying to drive Eli off and he’s not entirely unsuccessful –the idea of putting his mom in danger doesn’t sit well with Eli- but as he’s talking the troll starts to slowly curl in on himself. His gaze drafts downward to study his clenched hand. He looks _scared _and _lost_.

“…Merlin thinks it’s a bad idea,” The Trollhunter is saying. His ears press low against the sides of his head.

Eli takes a deep breath and forcibly swallows down the lump in his throat.

“hey…” He tries to get the troll’s attention, but he isn’t quite loud enough. “Hey!”

The troll flinches and looks up.

“You said it was my choice if I wanted to be your friend right?” Eli asks.

The troll nods.

“I… I admit all this stuff sounds scary,” He says and his voice is shaking. Honestly he’s never been able to stand up to _Steve_ let alone a monster like Bular but… “But it sounds like you’re lonely and I don’t really have any friends either and…” His voice cracks and he coughs a little and squares his shoulders. “And I want to try. You said a Trollhunter never gives up right?”

The troll nods again slowly.

“So if the problem is me being in danger then maybe...”

Eli hesitates thinking for a moment before an idea comes to him.

“Maybe you could teach me to defend myself! Then you won’t have to worry about always being there to protect me.

And maybe he could help out in protecting Arcadia. Eli thinks that sounds really cool, but he decides not to say anything yet on that. He doubts the Trollhunter will accept his help.

The troll’s blue eyes widen for a moment and then a hesitant smile forms across his face.

“That’s… that’s a good idea.” His shoulders relax slightly and his ears are back up. “That way I won’t have to worry as much about you investigating something and getting into trouble either.”

He gives Eli a hopeful look.

“So you really would do this?”

“Yes.” Eli says. He’s feeling a little cheesy so he holds out his hand. “Let’s be friends, Trollhunter.”

The troll cocks his head but takes the hand and squeezes it. His eyes study Eli’s face for a moment.

“Jim…” He says softly. “My name’s James Lake, but friends call me Jim,”

“Cool, I’m Eli,” Eli says and then blushes, rubbing at his hair. “Buuuut… you already knew that…”

The Trollhunter… _Jim…_ (Eli’s new friend!) chuckles at that.

“Don’t worry about it.” He pauses, a serious look flickering across his face. “Though for future reference, you really shouldn’t just give your name to unfamiliar magical beings.”

“Why’s that?” Eli asks.

“For one thing, it makes it easy for other people to find your house… but in the right hands… well a name can be a weapon. Fae and some witches can use names to control people.”

“Oh,” Eli says with a shiver. “Is that why you didn’t tell me your name at first.”

Jim nods.

A warm feeling appears in his chest. That means that Jim trusts him.

“Thanks for telling me then,” He says.

“Thank-_you_ for inviting me in,” Jim responds, sincerity shining in his eyes. “You don’t know how much it means to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really the center-point of the plot. It happens before and after the events of the first chapter.  
I was going to do the two parts of this chapter separate but I decided I wanted to keep them together. (Partially because I didn't want to leave Jim in the dumpster.)
> 
> Merlin doesn't realize just how far he pushed Jim. In his attempts to do things "for the greater good", he's completely lost sight of the importance of individual people's feelings and needs (Aside from his own).
> 
> It was a good thing that Jim met Barbara in the circumstances he did and when he did. If he had met her in battle, he would have ended up being killed. A large part of winning fights is wanting to win and well... Jim had stopped caring. That said things get better for Jim.
> 
> I haven't quite decided what part of the story I want to work on next but we'll see. I'll probably do a chapter in the past again. Let me know what you think about the way I'm jumping back and forth between the past and present.


	6. No Turning Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara has made a mistake. She knew that, but she hadn't realized just how big of one it was until now.

“I can’t do this!” Barbara slashed her hand through the air.

The radio crackled quietly. The only sign that Morgana was listening was the telltale charge in the air that made the skin on the back of Barbara’s neck prickle. The light behind the needle cast an eerie yellow glow in the dimness of the sterile white office Barbara had sequestered herself in.

“_Look!_ There are a lot of things I’m willing to do but this is too far.” She paced across the room. “How can you do this?! This is _exactly_ what Merlin did!”

Barbara could feel her hair stir slightly as her own magic responded to her volatile emotions. As she passed the mirror she caught sight of her reflection. Her eyes were glowing a dark stormy blue. She spun to face the radio.

“You know what? I’m done!” Her breath was quick. “I know I can’t take down a huge shadow organization, but I’m not going to help it either.”

The radio crackled softly.

_“Is that your choice?”_ There was a careful stillness there… A warning. Barbara ignored it.

“Yes,” she snapped. “We’re through. Goodbye.”

She turned toward the door and grabbed the knob.

…

_“**Barbara Lake**.”_

…

Barbara froze. Her breath caught in her lungs as a weight seemed to press down on her. She stood there, dead still, hand hovering over her path out of this mess.

** _“You will not leave, Barbara.”_ **

She was shaking now. She had heard the saying “It felt like someone walked over my grave” used to describe a bad feeling...

This didn’t feel like that.

This felt like she had woken up _in_ her grave. It was the feeling of being trapped with no way out; of being left to suffocate in a place that no one would hear her screams.

“What did you do?” She whispered.

_“I had hoped it would not come to this,” _Morgana said. _“I rather enjoyed your… friendship…. But I cannot let such a valuable asset go.” _She paused. “_Also you _promised _me your assistance and our goals are still in alinement.”_

Barbara’s breath was coming fast like a frightened rabbit.

_“As for your question I am not called “Le Fay” for nothing, dear.”_

A full body shiver passed though Barbara as she understood.

“You took my name,” She realized.

_“You _gave_ it to me.” _Morgana corrected her. _“You are _mine_.”_

And Barbara knew it was the truth.

“No…”

_“Yes,” _Morgana said. _“Now you have a choice: I have my puppets, but I have always preferred to have people willingly serve me when I can have that…” _She trailed off for a moment.

_“Oh do **come closer**. I don’t like talking to your back.”_

Barbara’s body moved of its own violation, turning her away from the door and back to stand in front of the radio. Inside she was screaming; it felt like something out of a nightmare.

Barbara felt the hold that Morgana had placed over her with her name release. She could move now. Her legs gave out and she sank to the floor. Her knees hit with enough force to bruise and her sweaty palms barely kept her from falling flat on her face.

_“So tell me, dear, what would you prefer: to serve me willingly or to be my slave?”_

That was hardly a choice, but she could see the underlying point. As a servant she would have some modicum of freedom, but her hands would bare the evils she did. As a slave there would be no freedom, but she would at least not be responsible for the atrocities she was used for and she would not be contributing any more than necessary to Morgana’s schemes.

She swallowed the bile in her throat and made her choice.

Slowly, painfully, Barbara rose to her feet.

“Our goals align,” She repeated Morgana’s words. “Merlin must be brought to an end.” She would do what she had to, but she would not do it in Jim’s name. He would not bear her sins. “I will serve you…”

_“Yes?”_

Barbara could _feel_ what she wanted. She swallowed the last of her pride and slowly sank down to one knee. “I will serve you… Mistress.”

_“I accept your service. You may rise, Barbara.” _

She could feel the threat of chains brush her with the use of her name… of the name that was no longer truly _hers._ She stood.

_“Now that we have straightened that_ little _problem out, I believe you were helping Stricklander_ _with the latest placement.”_

Barbara’s heart sank.

_“Do you have any suggestions for who we might choose?” _

* * *

The paper crumpled in Barbara’s hand as she walked into the office.

The lady at the desk, Tiana Northwood, looked up curiously as she entered and set it down in front of her.

“Dr. Lake? What’s…” She trailed off as she read it. “You’re quitting?!”

Barbara’s shoulders tensed.

“Yes,” She said quietly, not quite looking her in the eyes.

Tiana frowned.

“Is there something wrong with your position? Do you need more time off? Is something going wrong at home?”

Barbara looked down. She hated the worried concern in her supervisor’s voice. Despite the poor budget and short staffing the hospital had given their department, the woman had always tried her hardest to make sure those under her were cared for. She didn’t deserve this.

Barbara drew in a breath and faced her, but didn’t quite make eye contact.

“It has nothing to do with you… I just need to move on,” She stated firmly.

“But…”

“Just let me go please,” She practically begged her.

This was already hard enough.

“…Okay.”

Tiana pulled the paper toward her and began working on putting it through. She kept trying to make small talk that Barbara brushed off. As Barbara watched, her eyes were drawn to the picture on the desk. It was of Tiana and her husband and their new baby. The two of them had been trying for years. The whole department had been so happy for her when she finally conceived. They had all chipped in to make sure she got extra time off when she was due.

Barbara swallowed the lump in her throat.

“It’s all in order,” Tiana said turning to hand back the papers. “Just take it to the front office. Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”

“I’m afraid not,” Barbara said taking it.

She started toward the door and paused.

“I’m so sorry,” She murmured before practically fleeing from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post the next chapter of A Bad Reaction next, but it is giving me trouble. This, however, has been sitting finished in my drafts for a while so I figured I might as well post it before Wizards comes out. 
> 
> It's been crazy busy for the past month. I've just done a major move and started a new job. So I will probably be updating a lot less. 
> 
> Barb has, at this point in the timeline, done some rather morally questionable things in her attempt to find and save Jim. The Janus Order has been rather slowly easing her in, but finding out about the familiars was well... A little to far.  
But she doesn't get to back out now.  
This is Barbara's breaking point. Unlike Angor Rot she still has her emotions and must deal with the full pain that comes from her actions. This takes a pretty heavy toll on her over time and she eventually starts justifying things she really shouldn't in order to cope.  
(Side note: Barbara does not have a middle name in this, so Morgana does indeed have her full name. Never take middle names for-granted.)
> 
> Anyway, if you enjoy this fic, please -please!- leave a comment. (please?)


	7. Nowhere to go but forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara visits an old friend.

Barbara listens half-heartedly as the meeting drones on. Spy movies really put too much glamor on the concept of secret societies. An organization is still an organization whether it is made up of middle aged salary men or centuries old shapeshifters. And unfortunately that means that they have to deal with things like supplies and delegation of manpower and paperwork. The major difference in is that if she allows herself to stop paying attention the backstabbing will be much more literal.

“What is your opinion, Dr. Lake?”

Barbara raises her eyes from the point in space she’d been watching to meet the gaze of her ex-boyfriend. Walt –Or she supposes she ought to call him Walter now: Strickler or Stricklander don’t feel right and she can’t say Waltolomew and keep a straight face.- Walter is giving her a rather smug eyebrow raise like he thinks she won’t be able to answer. He has been rather testy ever since she took over his position.

“I think that we need to focus more on laying our communications groundwork,” Barbara says after making a show of thinking about it. “We all know that Gunmar will not want to be kept waiting when he comes to the surface and we can’t have nuclear bombs being shot at us, so the normal modes of communication will have to be the first thing we hit. We’ve started relying a little too much on human means for our own infrastructure in the past centuries.”

She says “we” as if she herself is centuries old and not human. It’s almost laughable how sometimes she still feels like a sheep supping with wolves despite how much she’s changed.

Some of the assembled changelings nod at her point, some just watch silently. The secretary takes notes.

The rest of the meeting proceeds in much the same way. There’s always a feeling of walking a knife edge at meetings. Barbara may be the mouthpiece of Morgana, who is a god to the changelings, but if she can’t prove her strength and cunning on her own, she won’t last long.

When the meeting finally wraps up the changelings depart out of the room from the lowest ranking to the highest. Walter and Barbara hold eye contact for a long moment. She sees just the faintest glow of yellow in his eyes and allows a glint of volatile blue to flicker in her own in response.

He tenses and looks away, chin tilting up ever so slightly despite the clear resentment that is evident in the curl of his lips.

She watches silently as he leaves. The door closes and she lets out a breath and her shoulders slump. She isn’t quite done yet -she still has to report back to Morgana- but she just wants a moment to breathe.

Her head aches from keeping up with the constant scheming and swirling agendas that are present at any Janus Order meeting. That and…

And she still misses her relationship with Walt. They’d already been strained after she found out the truth about changelings but once she had taken over his position they’d truly split. She knew as well as he did that if their positions had been flipped he’d have done the same, but it didn’t make it less cruel for him.

And it didn’t make his bitter resentment and verbal stabs any less painful for her.

She misses having someone to talk to and just be herself around. A memory of the odd meeting in the rain flickers through her mind.

_“Everyone needs friends…”_

That is what she had told the Trollhunter then.

Perhaps she should take her own advice.

* * *

Barbara sits in her car in the driveway for a whole hour before she works up the courage to walk up to the front door. This house was once as familiar as her own but now it’s been years since she last visited. Knocking takes her another ten minutes.

There’s a series of soft thumps and the door opens. The elderly lady stares at her before adjusting her glasses as if she can’t quite believe what she’s seeing. The light of the late evening sun glints off the thick round lenses.

“Barbara?” She says finally.

“Hi Nancy,” Barbara responds.

Her lips twitch into an uncomfortable smile as she tries to remember how to deal with normal social niceties. Nancy beams back in response.

“I can’t believe it’s you! What brings you back to Arcadia after all this time?”

Barbara doesn’t tell her that she technically still lives here. No one, or at least no one from her old life, knows. It’s easier that way.

“I’m just going to be in the neighborhood for a while and thought that I’d visit… You aren’t busy are you?”

Nancy steps out of the doorway gesturing with a hand to invite her inside.

“Of course not! Come in. Come in! I just finished a fresh batch of cookies.”

“Thank you.”

Barbara enters and finds that her old neighbors place hasn’t changed much in the time she’s been gone.

The two of them settle down in the comfy couches in the living room. The elderly lady pours a cup of tea for each of them and sets a plate of cookies out on the table.

“So how is Toby?” Barbara asks. “He’s in high school now right?”

Jim would have been in high school. He’d be fifteen now…

_Like the Trollhunter._

A flash of blue eyes set in a slighter darker blue face flash through her mind. Her heart aches.

“He’s doing well,” Nancy says, interrupting her thoughts. “But he’s always been a bit quiet since…”

She doesn’t have to clarify. Jim’s kidnapping hit him hard too. There’s a moment of silence before she straightens up and goes on.

“He has Darci and they stick together. It sounds like now that they’re in high school she’s been able to introduce him to some more of her friends. She’s really such a dear.”

“Darci?” Barbara asks. She swirls her tea around in the mug and breaths in the smell. Like everything else it’s familiar. She sets it back down without drinking.

“Darci Scott. The Scotts were the family that moved in next door after you left. Her father is one of the police.”

Ah, Detective Scott then. The Janus Order monitors the police force within Arcadia carefully. They have agents in key areas to make sure that no one ever looks too closely where they shouldn’t.

“I see…” Barbara says and isn’t quite sure what else to say.

Nancy sets down her mug and fixes her in a gaze that is slightly too sharp for a woman with cataracts like hers.

“Enough about me, you didn’t just come to catch up, did you? What did you want to talk about?”

If Barbara hadn’t spent so much time learning to cover up her emotions she would have tensed.

“Why would you say that?” She asks instead.

She doesn’t like it when people are able to read her. She’s usually very careful to only show the emotions she wants them to see. She wonders what she let slip.

Nancy smiles disarmingly.

“I happened to be looking outside when you pulled up, people who are okay don’t spend an hour sitting in their car in someone else’s driveway.”

Barbara does actually blush a little at that. Her hand drifts up to toy with the yellow pendent around her neck.

A weight comes to rest on her leg and Barbara’s hand clenches around the crystal. She looks up to see that it’s Nancy’s hand. The woman is staring at her with concern.

“Sorry,” Barbara says, before mentally wincing at the apology.

“Take your time dear,” Nancy says. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

Barbara opens her mouth to say something –A denial, maybe?- and then closes it.

She’s become a little too used to hiding her emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. In truth, she wants to talk about the strange young troll who, despite being her enemy, she finds herself suddenly worried about, but even the little bit of openness she’s shown has already put her on edge.

She’s so wrapped up in a web of secrecy and magic that she can hardly even remember what it was like to be a free woman living a normal mundane life.

Barbara sighs.

“Can we just talk for now?” The words come out almost pleading.

“Of course,” Nancy says.

There’s pity in her gaze that makes Barbara’s jaw clench but she accepts it and tries to let go of her need to be seen as invincible.

“How is high school been for Toby so far?” She offers the question like an olive branch.

“Oh it’s going quite well,” Nancy says, leaning back into her chair. “One of Darci’s friends, Claire, got Toby to try out for the play the school is putting on…”

Barbara finds herself relaxing minutely as Nancy rambles on telling her about things that seem to be happening a world away.

Eventually the light outside begins to take on an orange tint and Barbara forces herself to her feet with a sigh.

“It’s been nice, Nancy, but I really must be going,” She says.

“Oh! Well it’s been a pleasure having you over, dear.”

“Thank-you.” Barbara slings her bag over her shoulder and hesitates. “Would you mind if I visited again?”

“Of Course!” Nancy smiles. “You’re always welcome here.”

Barbara smiles back at her. She’s forced to take a careful breath to fight back the prickling she feels in her eyes.

Thank-you,” She says again, before slipping out into the darkening world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the most exciting chapter perhaps but necessary. Like Jim, Barbara was able to find some strength for change from their meeting.


	8. The Ones We Hail - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanjigar finds what he was looking for.

Kanjigar paused to look at the glowing engravings of the wall. His brief examination told him they depicted stories from the past. Blinky would have loved them but there were other things to focus on right now… such as how to get through the circle of spinning blades that cut him off from the main area of the tomb.

After a bit of trial and error Kanjigar was forced to use the sword he’d brought with him to block them. It groaned under the forces exerted on it slowly beginning to twist and deform.

_Truly a waste of a good weapon,_ Kanjigar thought as he dropped into the chamber below.

He straightened up and then stood in silence for a moment. The cavern he was now in was made entirely out of giant clear crystals the likes of which he had never seen before. They grew from the walls in all directions as far as the eye could see. Each one was more massive as the crystals that formed the steps to Trollmarket. The sheer magnitude made him feel small.

A violent shriek of tearing metal followed by a resounding clang tore Kanjigar’s attention away from the wonder before him. The blades were spinning again. Kanjigar bend down to pick up the hilt of his sword from the ground. After a moment’s hesitation he placed it in his pocket. There would be no going back now. He squared his jaw and set out to travel through the maze of crystal. According to the map Merlin’s chamber would be at the very bottom.

* * *

Keeping his bearings proved harder that he expected. It seemed that the crystal had grown since the map was created.

Eventually he found what he was looking for. The Trollhunter had never been so glad to see bare rock in his life. He slid down the final section of the crystal and landed on the grey path. He shoved the map into his pocket. As he drew in a breath of air, he found it stale. He had no doubt he was the first one to travel here in a millennia.

He had been right about the crystals growing. The tunnel itself was crossed by their clear shafts. The Trollhunter was forced to duck under and climb over many of them. Given enough time the chamber would become completely inaccessible. He wondered how hard they would be break through.

Kanjigar ducked under a final crystal and stopped.

Before him on a slab of stone, lit from above by a beam of light, lay a humanoid figure. It was unmoving and covered in cobwebs and yet untouched by the decay that mankind was so prone to. The chamber was silent; not the slightest hint of a breath disturbed the somber atmosphere. Kanjigar rested his hand over his heart and bowed his head briefly. He had no doubt that this was Merlin. 

Reverently he stepped forward to look at the man before him.

As he did so a strange urge came over him.

He drew out the box containing the parts of the amulet and laid hold of the blue stone. Moving slowly and breathlessly –almost in a trance- he turned back to the prone body before him. He held the stone over it.

Blue light shot out of the stone and entered the mouth and eyes of the still man.

He took a step back waiting with uncertain anticipation.

Nothing happened. The chamber remained still. Frowning Kanjigar took a step forward.

The man’s eyes snapped open and he shot upright with a strangled scream before choking on the spider webs that had been over his mouth.

Kanjigar stood there awkwardly, not quite certain what to do, as the man coughed and hacked violently.

After a while he finally stopped and settled back down on the slab. He turned his head and gazed at the troll before him. His eyes wandered up and down his body before his eyebrows went up.

“Are _you_ the Trollhunter?” He asked.

“Yes,” Said Kanjigar before remembering his formalities. He quickly dropped to one knee and bowed his head. “Kanjigar son of Tarigar at your….”

“Yes, yes. At my service. I already know who you are,” The wizard said dismissively. “I was simply surprised to see _you_ here. I had been expecting someone else.”

“Who…”

The wizard held up a finger. “One moment.”

He swung his legs off of the stone slab. Kanjigar hesitantly rose from his kneeling position and watched as he vigorously started stretching, releasing a symphony of pops and cracks. Where humans supposed to make that much noise when they moved?

“Who were you expecting?” He finished when the wizard finally stopped stretching.

“Your successor,” The wizard said nonchalantly.

“My…”

“But that’s irrelevant now,” Merlin went on. “What _is_ relevant is _when _we are… now let me see…” He held his hands together and started to mutter to himself. Green light glowed in his eyes and between his fingers. “Hmmm. Yes, yes… Ah! I see.”

Merlin smile and clapped his hands together scattering the green magic like sparks of fire.

“It seems you’ve woken me early… About twenty-five years early to be precise.”

“I’m sorry,” Kanjigar said slowly still a bit caught off guard. Merlin was really not what he was expecting.

“No harm done,” Merlin waved a hand at him, turning toward the entrance. “I’m used to adapting my hands to others’ meddling. In fact I believe this may prove to be a boon.” He nodded, stroking his beard. “Yes. This will open some new possibilities.”

He started walking and Kanjigar followed. The two walked in silence out of the crypt and back into the large chamber of white crystal. After a while Kanjigar decided to bring up what he had come here for.

“Would you be willing to assist me with something,” The Trollhunter asked carefully. He didn’t like asking for help, but... “Bular and his changelings are still free but continue to be a plague on both Troll and human-kind alike. I have the DayStone –which can protect me from sunlight-, but the human population is such even at night I risk being seen. To venture out in the day would be idiocy.”

Merlin paused and glanced at him.

“Do they not still abide by the pact?” He asked curiously.

“I don’t believe they remember it anymore… or even the existence of trolls. They have invented weapons that even a troll should fear, so I believe it is better that we remain unknown rather than risk open war with them.”

“I see,” Said Merlin, stroking his beard. “That was bound to happen eventually. I assume that you want a way to move unnoticed?”

Kanjigar nodded.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Merlin said turning forward again and walking. “You are my champion after all. I fear I shall often be busy, but I should be able to make _some _time to give you assistance. I will occasionally need yours after all so it’s only fair I give a little something.”

“Thank you,” Kanjigar breathed out. Relief slumping his shoulders.

With Merlin’s help he would finally be able to end the fight against Bular and the changelings. Then he would be able to stop worrying about his son becoming involved in this. He would be finally able to rest.

He followed the wizard as they left the stale air of the crypt behind to seek a route back to the surface.

“Ah here it is!”

Kanjigar pulled himself up the crystal behind Merlin and found himself on top of a platform of sorts. In the center of the flattened crystal was planted a staff.

“Is that the Staff of Avalon?” Kanjigar asked in a hushed whisper.

“Indeed,” Said Merlin.

He started to reach for it and then paused.

“You should really be wearing your armor,” He said pointedly.

Kanjigar blinked and then fished the box out of his pocket.

“I’m afraid I cannot. I had Vendal take it apart in order to find you.”

“Eh? Oh yes, I forgot about that,” The wizard said. “Give it here.”

Kanjigar handed the box over and Merlin quickly set to work assembling the amulet.

“There.” He put the final piece in place and handed in back to the Trollhunter. “Now we’re ready.”

Kanjigar watched him curiously, amulet still in hand, as he pulled out his staff and held it aloft.

“Ah! It _is_ good to have this back,” The wizard said in a pleased tone. He turned back to Kanjigar. “Do you remember where the entrance is?”

“Yes…”

“Good! Let’s get moving then,” He said giving his staff an experiment swing. “If we run we _should_ be able to reach it before the whole thing collapses.”

“What…”

The crystal beneath them let out a loud groan before it began to tilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kanjigar mini-arc time! (This was going to be one chapter but it was getting way too long. Anyway I really wanted to post something. Working full time really cuts your freetime down let me tell you!)
> 
> I'm rather fond of Kanjigar for some reason. I headcannon him as a bit of a lawful good paladin type. I think his time watching and interacting with Jim got him to loosen up a bit. 
> 
> Anyway I believe there's a saying about meeting your idols that Kanjigar is going to wish he'd known and heeded.  
Also "Demons" by Imagine Dragons is a huge mood song for this fic.


	9. The Ones We Hail - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanjigar begins to have doubts about Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween, y'all!

Kanjigar was alert as he walked through the emerald lit caverns. Merlin had assured him that as he was invited he would be perfectly safe but the place still stank of magic. It radiated from the very stone under his feet. One could never be too careful around sorcery.

Eventually he reached an intricately carved wooden door.

He lifted his hand and knocked, careful to not scratch the wood with his knuckles. Nothing. He knocked again. There was no answer. With a frown he tried the handle and found it to be unlocked.

The cave behind the door was well lit by candles and crystals and a warm fire. Scrolls were spread haphazardly across the sturdy oaken table in the center of the room and piled on top of each other on shelves carved into the wall. Jars of herbs and other things were mixed in with the scrolls. A gnome skull grinned at him from the mantle of the fireplace.

“Master Merlin?” Kanjigar called out as he took a step in.

Still no response. The thick red-brown rug muffled his steps.

Had the wizard forgotten about him? He didn’t want to be disrespectful but in the short time he’d known him, Merlin did seem a little… well… _absent minded_.

Kanjigar glanced at the fire. Merlin couldn’t be gone too far if he’d left a fire going. Of course there was the possibility it was sustained by magic…

A quiet shuffling noise drew the troll’s attention. He looked across the table and then blinked in surprise. There, peering warily from just over the edge of the table, was a pair of bright blue eyes topped with an unruly mop of black hair.

It was a child. A _human_ child.

They let out a yelp when their eyes met his and ducked back under the table.

Kanjigar’s nostrils flared in surprise.

What was a child doing here?

“Ah! There you are.”

Kanjigar startled at Merlin’s voice. He glanced back and saw him just coming in from the tunnels. How he had managed to open the door without Kanjigar hearing he wasn’t sure.

“I’m afraid it will be a while yet before your charm is ready,” The wizards said as he started setting his bags down on the table. The scents of various herbs wafted into the air as he jostled them. “I have had more pressing matters to deal with and I am lacking ingredients. Perhaps you can find some of the rarer ones for me.”

“Why is there a child here?” Kanjigar asked.

He didn’t like to interrupt but he was very puzzled.

Merlin blinked at him for a moment, before understanding appeared on his face.

“Oh you mean James.”

He looked around with a frown.

“Where has that boy gotten off to?”

“I’m here,” A soft voice said from the far side of the table.

The boy’s head poked up just enough that he could see Kanjigar before he vanished again.

“Why are you hiding?” Merlin asked with a huff. “Come out and greet the Trollhunter properly. You have nothing to fear.”

“The Trollhunter?” The boy, James, poked his head up again, eyes wide. “He’s the _Trollhunter_?”

Evidently Merlin had told him about him.

Kanjigar slowly moved around the table. James watched him warily but didn’t hide again. Was this his first time meeting a troll? If it was he was taking it really well.

Kanjigar glanced around noticing that there were a lot of scrolls about troll history and rudimentary knowledge of the magical world lying among the more complicated texts.

It clinked. This must be Merlin’s new apprentice. Kanjigar gave the boy an appraising glance over. James shifted nervously under his gaze, blue eyes flickering to the side. He looked like he was barely out of welphood. A mere youngling. If he had been a troll his parents would have been still keeping him close.

Kanjigar frowned. He had never understood why humans would send their children off so young, but they had always been strange creatures.

He approached James. Once he was about two paces away Kanjigar stopped and knelt to the boy’s level.

“Hello Young James, I am Kanjigar son of Terragar. It is an honor to make your acquaintance.”

The boy stared at him with wide eyes. His gaze snagged on the amulet hung around his neck for a moment, before he looked at Merlin uncertainly.

“Go on and introduce yourself, boy,” Merlin said.

James looked back at Kanjigar again and took a nervous step forward and then another. The troll held himself still so as to not startle him. Finally James stood in front of him.

He held out a quivering hand toward Kanjigar in what the troll recognized was an invitation to shake hands. Another odd human custom.

“I’m Jim… son of Barbara,” The boy said haltingly. “Nice to meet you?”

Kanjigar carefully took the small hand and moved it up and down once.

“Well met young Jim,” He said.

He gave the boy a gentle smile, careful to not show his teeth.

James’… Jim’s eyes studied Kanjigar’s face. The boy’s shoulders relaxed just slightly and he smiled back.

* * *

“Kanjigar!!!!”

The Trollhunter chuckled as the tiny fleshbag launched himself at him.

“Hello young Jim,” He said as he caught the boy mid-air.

“Are you going to stay for a while?” The boy asked as he squirmed in the troll’s hands. “Did you bring me anything? Did you have any cool fights? What the weather doing outside? Did it snow? Did you make a snowman?” He let out a little excited gasp. “Or a snow_troll_?! Do trolls make snowtrolls?”

Kanjigar laughed, eyes crinkling as warm amusement course through him. The boy had been rather shy at first but now, after several months of visits to Merlin’s cave, the young human had gotten quite comfortable with him.

“Perhaps if you quieted for a moment you might get some answers.”

The boy bit his lip and stared up at him with bright eyes. Kanjigar could feel him quivering. He chuckled again. Jim reminded him a lot of Draal when he was a youngling. So eager and excitable.

He shoved down the quiet pang in his core when a memory of Draal’s disappointed face from the last time they’d talked flickered through his mind. It was for the best, he reminded himself.

He set Jim down on one of the chairs and the boy immediately began pestering him with more questions.

“So what has Merlin been teaching you?” He asked when the boy finally stopped to catch his breath.

Jim frowned slightly and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

“He’s been teaching me about the … Gum-Gum Wars.”

Kanjigar frowned at that.

“That must be a scary. Those were dark times.”

Jim nodded, slightly.

“Merlin says it’s important.”

“I see.”

There was a moment of silence.

“So what have you been doing when you are not learning?” Now that he thought about it Kanjigar hadn’t seen any toys in the cave, on any of his visits, but they were likely kept in another room. The vigorous play of children did not mix well with delicate things like potions and scrolls.

Jim looked down and picked at his fingers.

“Not much,” He said with a shrug finally. “Merlin says I can use the training room, but all the swords are too big. I don’t get to go outside so sometimes I explore in the tunnel… It’s kind of creepy though. Merlin gave me an old scroll to draw on. I’m not supposed to draw on the other ones. He wasn’t happy when I did that. He says the new empty ones are for his research.”

Kanjigar frowned.

“Don’t you have any toys?”

Draal had been absolutely obsessed with magnets as a youngling. His minerals were of the type that magnets would stick to him, so he was often covered with them. It was a pity that cameras had not existed back then or Kanjigar would have collected some memorable and amusing pictures.

Jim shook his head.

“Merlin doesn’t think they’re important.”

Kanjigar’s frown deepened. He would need to talk to Merlin when the wizard returned.

“Would you like to hear about my journey to Argentina?” He asked.

Jim immediately brightened up and nodded.

~~~~

As it turned out Kanjgar’s talk with Merlin ended up getting put off for a couple days. Simply because the wizard had not returned.

“Does he do this often?” Kanjigar asked Jim carefully.

“Sometimes,” the boy said with a shrug.

His tongue stuck out slightly as he tried to pour the oats out of the sack into the bowl without spilling too much. The stool he was standing on teetered and Kanjigar quickly steadied him.

“Let me help you with that,” He said taking the bag.

* * *

“We need to talk.”

The wizard frowned at those words and gave a brief glance at his Trollhunter before returning to the scroll he was writing on.

“I’m listening.”

Kanijagar decided to cut straight to the point. It was hard to say how long he would have his attention for.

“You cannot simply leave Jim on his own for days at a time,” He said, careful to make his voice firm but respectful.

“I don’t see why not,” The wizard responded without looking at him. “He’s a resourceful enough and hasn’t had any problems.”

“That’s not the point,” Kanjigar said nostrils flaring just slightly. He had the distinct feeling this was going to be like arguing with Blinky.

“Then what is?”

“Jim is a _child_; a mere youngling. He needs attention and time… and more than just books! He needs fresh air and play and toys.” Kanjigar grimaced slightly. “And a change of clothes.”

From what Kanjigar learned about humans if their cloths started smelling appetizing it meant they were too dirty for the human to be wearing. Humans needed to be somewhat clean or they risked sickness and parasites.

“I suppose he _is _due for a change of clothes,” Merlin responded finally. He paused and frowned before giving Kanjigar an affronted look. “He does _actually _have more than one, but he doesn’t know how to use the washing potion yet and I was gone longer than I expected. I shall look for another set on my next trip.”

“What about the other things?”

“What about them?”

Kanjigar took a slow breath.

“Are you going to do anything about them?”

Merlin huffed and shot him an annoyed look.

“Do I look like I know anything about children?” He said irritably. “When I was a child we amused ourselves on our own just fine.”

Kanjigar’s ears flicked back and he had to clench his teeth against the urge to snap at the wizard that he shouldn’t take on such a young apprentice if he wasn’t good with children. He looked away and took a slow breath.

“Perhaps _you _could take care of those things you mentioned.”

Kanjigar looked back sharply to find that the wizard was studying him.

“Me?”

“Sure. You are already a father. James always goes on and on about you after you leave each time. You are sure to do a better job than I will.”

Kanjigar opened his mouth to protest. It was one thing to indulge the child a little when he visited, it was another to take responsibility for his care and well-being. Kanjigar’s job was dangerous and historically Trollhunters tended to die early. If he got too close it would only hurt the boy more when his time inevitably came. He had already distanced himself from his own son for that very reason.

But then he closed it. He glanced around at the musty cave full of scrolls and dust and herbs and then at the prickly old wizard. He thought of how excited Jim was every time Kanjigar visited. Given how hard it was for Kanjigar himself to get much interaction out of Merlin, he had no doubt the child was very lonely.

The Trollhunter’s duty was to answer every call and Jim needed him.

Kanjigar sighed and rubbed at his browridge. What was he getting himself into?

“Very well,” He said. “I cannot live here but I will visit more often. I will bring the boy what toys and amusements that I can but you must at least _try _to be more involved with him. And _please, _tell me if you expect to be gone for more than a day. If something happens to him while he is alone, he could be badly hurt or worse.”

Merlin’s hummed and stroked his beard.

“I suppose you are right. I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime I’m off to get some venison. I grow weary of oatmeal.”

With that he walked out the door and was gone.

Kanjigar stared at the closed door and then back at the stone hallway that led to Jim’s room. His hand strayed to the Amulet hanging from its chain around his neck. He toyed with it apprehensively.

“Oh Deya, what am I doing?” He murmured to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter should be interesting. (It will be also the final part of this 3 part set.)
> 
> The thing with magnets came from a discussion on tumblr about what sort of toys young trolls might play with.
> 
> I'm half tempted to do some little side stories about Kanjigar and Jim bonding, since I skipped ahead a bit in this.
> 
> As always please leave a comment. I'd love to hear what I did well or what I need to work on since I'm always looking to improve and feedback really helps (and it also just makes me happy!)


	10. The Ones We Hail - part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanjigar makes a mistake.

“Jim! I’m here!” Kanjigar called out as he entered the cave

There was no response. No patter of small feet.

Kanjigar frowned; usually Jim was all over him by now. Where was the child?

“Jim?” He called again.

Concern began to take root in his chest and the old troll lifted his head and tested the air for the child’s scent. He could smell both Jim’s scent and Merlin’s. They were fairly fresh but…

Kanjigar sniffed again.

There was something unfamiliar in the air. A slight shiver ran through him setting his tusks on edge.

He followed the strange scent through the roughhewn hallways and deeper into Merlin’s abode. What was it? No one could get in here without Merlin’s permission.

The scent led him to Jim’s room. Kanjigar’s whole body was tense. If something had happened to the boy…

His hand wrapped around the amulet where it hung from a chain around his neck. Without a word the armor materialized around him. He didn’t summon Daylight just yet but he kept one hand free as he eased open the door.

The room was empty but the strange scent was fresh.

All Kanjigar’s muscles were tense as he entered. He moved slowly; leaving the door open as a precaution.

His ears were pricked and alert as his eyes swept over the room.

Jim’s toys sat undisturbed on the small shelf he had liberated from the junkyard. The picture book he had borrowed from Blinky was still there.

There was no sign of the boy himself.

His eyes tracked across the room before a small movement drew them.

Curled in the large pile of blankets that served as Jim’s bed was a small blue troll. They were staring at him with wide surprised eyes, both hands slightly raised as if that had been just holding their horns.

His eyes snagged on the hands. The _five_ fingered hands.

Kanjigar’s nostril flared as he took in their scent. It smelled both like troll and human, with a heavy scent of some unidentified potion hanging over it all. More importantly it smelled like Jim.

A changeling.

Kanjigar’s ears went back -a jolt of betrayal stabbing through him like a dagger- He’d been fooled. His ears pressed tighter against his head as his fist clenched. Had he ever met the real Jim or had the impure been pulling his strings the whole time? This was what happened when a Trollhunter let themself get attached.

The low growl that rumbled from his chest caused the imposter to flinch. Its eyes widened further and its ears pressed down.

“Kanji…” It started.

Kanjigar didn’t give it a chance to spin its net of deceit. In a second he lunged forward pinning it to a wall.

The impure shrieked and wailed. It clawed at his hand for a moment before going limp. It shook as big tears dripped down its face. Its eyes looked so much like Jim’s that he felt a pang in his core at the sight. He shook his head and steeled himself; he wouldn’t fall for crocodile tears. Not again.

“How long ago were you planted,” He demanded.

If the changelings had found a way to fool even Merlin, they would be in trouble. If he was being honest part of him hoped that somehow, against all prior knowledge of when the exchange could happen, the changeling was a recent plant and he had actually known the real Jim.

The impure didn’t respond. It just kept whimpering and pressed its eyes closed. It was a very convincing actor. He would give it that.

He opened his mouth and…

“What are you doing?”

Kanjigar startled at Merlin’s harsh tone. He hazarded a glance back at the doorway, careful not to let the changeling completely out of his sight. He looked furious. His brows were drawn together and his eyes flashing.

“I found this changeling in Jim’s room,” Kanjigar reported, switching his gaze back to the creature he had pinned against the wall. “I was trying to find out just how early the exchange happened.”

Behind him Merlin huffed out a sigh.

“Put him down,” The wizard said. “That’s Jim, not an imposter.”

“What? But Master Merlin…”

“Don’t Master Merlin me. Put him down _now.”_

Puzzled but deferring to the wizards judgement he let the changeling drop. It hit the ground and stayed where it was curling in on itself and shaking. It looked positively frightened. He felt the unwelcome pang of sympathy again.

He shook his head trying to focus and figure out what was going on.

Why would Merlin…

There was no way.

“Did you let that _changeling_ in here?” Kanjigar asked horrified. “You knew the whole time.”

That would explain why the wizard had been so careless with him and expected him to take care of himself. Despite appearances, changelings were not planted until they reached mental adulthood and were capable of fending for themselves.

“What? No,” Merlin looked offended.

“Then…”

“Jim is _not_ a changeling. I would not take one of Morgana’s servants into my house lest I wake up with a knife in my back. I’m not a fool!”

“Then what…”

“Jim was a human but now, thanks to the potion I have been working on since I woke, he is a half-troll.”

Kanjigar blinked unable to quite process that sentence.

“What?” He said dumbly. He had never heard of such a thing.

Merlin sighed.

“Walk with me.”

The wizard turned away. Kanjigar hesitated glancing back toward Jim who was now hiding under the blankets. He half turned toward him before glancing in the direction that Merlin had went in.

There was no saying how long Merlin would stick around but now that he knew that the small troll was actually Jim (Even if he was still struggling to believe it.)… The flash of the boy’s scared eyes, his desperate sobs and Kanjigar, the very troll who he had trusted pinned him to the wall…

Kanjigar’s ears pressed down.

He took a step in the direction of the blankets before stopping.

He should give the boy some time to recover before he approached him. Not only that but he _needed_ answers.

Once they were back in the main room, Kanjigar turned to Merlin. His anger at himself for hurting Jim was mixing with his anger and confusion toward Merlin for… _whatever_ he had done. The turbulent emotions set his tusks on edge. He managed to fight down the snarl that was threatening to crawl up his throat, but his voice still came out more sharp than respectful.

“Why would you do _that_ to Jim? What point is there in turning him into a… a _half-_troll?”

Humans and trolls were not meant time be mixed; changelings were proof of that. Even if they did not die by the sword or succumb to the webs of their own treachery, the magic that was forced into their stone aged them prematurely. They often suffered joint problems and fatigue as a result of hybridized systems –A weakness Kanjigar had learned to exploit when he came into conflict with them. They were doomed the weaknesses of humanity and trollkind while being rejected by both.

What purpose could Merlin possibly have in inflicting such a fate on such an innocent young child?

He drew himself to his full height ready to stare the wizard down until he got answers. Merlin eyed him through his thick brows.

“Because he will be the next Trollhunter,” He said.

Kanjigar stilled.

“What?”

In his shock it felt as if he had taken a step back out of his own body.

If Jim was going to be the next Trollhunter that meant…

Merlin sighed, looking slightly regretful.

“Yes, according to what I saw studying the future, you’re destined to die in the next decade or two and the Amulet will choose James when you’re gone.”

The first thing Kanjigar’s mind latched onto was just how soon that was. A couple decades was hardly the blink of an eye… The next was…

“But he’s just a child…”

Grown _adults_… great champions even… had crumbled under the weight of the amulet. Tellad-Urr the Terrible had been the most shocking and horrifying example but unfortunately not the only one.

“Then make sure you don’t die soon,” Merlin said. He sighed again. “Look I brought him here to make sure that when the time came he would be ready to take up the mantle.” He gave Kanjigar a look that the troll couldn’t quite interpret. “Perhaps you could start teaching him some combat and other Trollhunter skills. You were saying that younglings need to run around.”

Something welled up in Kanjigar’s chest as he finally managed to push through his shock.

“Yes,” He said, lips curling up slightly from his fangs. He had to take a breath to force down his anger. It didn’t work. “But they also need to have friends and enjoy the freedom that comes with their youth. I’ve already told you that Jim should not be trapped in this cage… in this cave all the time… but…” Kanjigar took another breath, the first hints of a snarl rode on the exhale. “But knowing what the future has in store for him. He _needs_ to have time to just be a child even more. The mantle of Trollhunter is a heavy one. Caring for the wellbeing of many is a great burden. You of all people know that.”

He tried to catch the wizard’s gaze but he refused to meet Kanjigar’s eyes. The flame flickering in his chest kindled brighter. He hadn’t felt this way since he found Draal- back when his son was still just a whelp- cornered up against the edge of the tree line by some idiot younglings who thought terrorizing others was fun and who had not yet realized just how small of a slip it took for one to turn to stone.

“Let me take the boy to Trollmarket,” Kanjigar suggested, still trying to be reasonable and keep some semblance of control over his temper. “He’ll be safe there. He’ll be able to play with other younglings and grow up at a normal pace, then when the time comes for… for him to take up my mantle he’ll have had a chance to properly enjoy life first.”

Kanjigar waited for Merlin to reply. The silence stretched out between them. Kanjigar thought the wizard looked older than usual: tired. His shoulders were slumped and lines of tension traced his forehead.

“No.”

“What?”

“I said no.” Merlin looked up and met the Trollhunter’s eyes finally. Once again his face was unreadable. “James will not be accepted in Trollmarket. If you are looking for a place where he can be safe and happy and carefree… Well I’m sorry to break your delusion but that will not be it.”

Kanjigar growled and open his mouth to argue. The amulet hummed ominously on his chest in response to his emotions. He knew without trying that it was impossible to remove right now.

“Do you really think the other trolls will notice nothing odd about him?”

Kanjigar paused at his words and Merlin seized on that hesitation and continued.

“You yourself thought he was a changeling. Do you think you are the only one who will come to such a conclusion? The only one to treat him harshly because of it?”

Kanjigar flinched. Jim’s scared face as the Trollhunter had pinned him to the wall reared up in his memory again.

“Well?”

Kanjigar turned away, shame curling around his throat.

“I need to go check on Jim. I will think about what you said.”

He left the wizard, before he did something else he would regret, and hurried back to the small room. Jim was nowhere to be seen but Kanjigar could smell his strange new scent.

“Young Jim,” He said hesitantly.

There was no response.

The Trollhunter moved slowly into the room.

“Jim? Are you there? I am sorry about how I acted. That was wrong of me.”

Still no response.

Kanjigar’s ears pricked. There. He could hear harsh breathing.

It seemed he was still in the blanket pile. Kanjigar carefully lifted the thick downy blanket that was on top of the pile.

Jim flinched when the light hit him and curled into himself. Kanjigar released the blanket, not feeling quite right disturbing the boy, and it fell slightly to the side.

Kanjigar sighed. He crouched down and then stayed there for a moment, unsure of how to go forward.

“Young Jim…”

Kanjigar trailed off and ran a hand over one of his horns. This was all his fault. He had crushed the poor boy into a wall. Threatened him! A simple apology was nowhere near sufficient.

“I’m sorry Jim,” he said anyway to the boy’s back. “I thought you were something else, an enemy, but how I treated you was wrong. I won’t do it again. Can you forgive me? Or at least let me check to make sure you are unharmed.”

The boy didn’t respond but Kanjigar saw that one of his ears was turned back toward him. And wasn’t that a change? Kanjigar fought down the sense of unease that arose at the boy’s strange scent and odd features. This wasn’t the time to deal with that. It wasn’t Jim’s fault.

The boy remained quiet. Eventually Kanjigar did the only thing he could think of and sat down on the ground next to him. Both ears twitched in his direction at that but other than shivering Jim still didn’t move.

Kanjigar waited. If there was anything being Trollhunter had taught him it was patience.

An hour passed. Jim began to move more but seemed determined not to leave his spot. Not while Kanjigar was in the room.

The Trollhunter felt the shame curl tighter around his core. If only he had taken a moment longer to assess the situation. If he had done that Merlin might have arrived before he had hurt Jim and this could have been avoided. In the past he might have, but after the incident with Nomura, Kanjigar had become wary. He couldn’t forget how casually she had dropped her act when it no longer suited her or the burn of her blade on his side. He definitely couldn’t forget how heartbroken Draal had been.

He sighed and ran his hand down his face.

It was then he had realized that his enemies would take advantage of anyone close to him. It was then that he had started working alone. He found himself wondering sometimes if it was the right decision. Draal was angrier these days. He had heard that he was getting into more fights. Blinky had suggested it was because he wanted his father’s attention. Kanjigar wasn’t quite sure what to make of that, but he had made a decision and needed to stick to it.

Kanjigar wrenched his mind away from that painful line of thought and focused his gaze on the wall across the room. It was fairly plain rock at first glance, lightly textured with regular divots that suggested someone had worked on it with a chisel. If one looked close they would notice that thread thin veins of emerald ran through the darker stone. It made sense that Merlin had chosen this place, Kanjigar mused. The wizard’s magic was green and magic tended to be better enhanced by crystals of similar coloring…

His thoughts were broken off by a quiet scraping to his left, he carefully didn’t look.

He wasn’t quite sure what else to say either. He had already apologized; what else did one say to a child that they treated as a spy?

“Do I really look that different?” Jim asked.

Kanjigar looked at him cautiously out of the corner of his eye, making sure he wasn’t going to bolt, before looking at him fully. It was an odd question. He would have expected Jim to ask about the things Kanjigar had said when he was threatening him instead.

He took a moment to study the boy’s changes.

Like his scent, his appearance was now a mix of human and trollish traits. His skin was stoney. Whether that went all the way or was merely on the surface Kanjigar didn’t know. He didn’t particularly care to find out either. His nose was still relatively human, a little flatter and broader than it had been, but human. His ears were longer and freemoving now but his hands had retained five fingers each. Of course there were a few troll species that had five fingers but it was a rarer trait. (One often associated with changelings…) His hair was courser, but still black. Small tusks just barely poked out between his lips.

“Your eyes are the same,” Kanjigar said after a moment.

The boy jolted and then looked up at him. Indeed the rest of him may have changed but those bright blue eyes were the same.

“The rest of you looks different but they haven’t changed at all.”

“Oh,” Jim said and looked away again.

He looked down at his feet a quiet frown playing across his lips.

“Do you think my Mom would recognize me?” He asked quietly.

Kanjigar felt something his chest tighten.

“I don’t know,” He said softly. As much as he wanted to comfort the child he couldn’t lie to him on this. It would only bring pain in the future.

He paused a thought flickering in his mind.

“Does she not know… Was she not informed of your change?”

He hoped Merlin had discussed this with the boy’s parents beforehand, but… well…. The Wizard had shown that he was careless about such things. A lot of heartache could have been avoided if he had told Kanjigar beforehand…

Perhaps he had thought Kanjigar would try to stop him. (Perhaps he was right.)

Jim drew his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He pressed his face between them and murmured something that Kanjigar couldn’t quite make out.

“What was that?”

“She wasn’t there,” Jim repeated softly. His voice caught and Kanjigar realized that he was starting to cry. “I went to our house before… when Merlin told me about the potion. I…” He hiccupped and lifted his head a little to wipe at his eyes. “I wanted to see her before… But there were other people there. They said she’d moved… _left.”_

Jim’s shoulders shook and a slightly louder sob came out of him.

“What if I see her again and she doesn’t know who I am?” He almost wailed. “What if…” He grabbed at his long ears, tugging them down in distress. “What if she’s scared of me or hates me?” His voice dropped to a whisper. “What if she thinks I’m a monster?”

Kanjigar reached out and picked him up. He pulled him to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. For a moment Jim struggled but then the small half-troll pressed his head into Kanjigar’s chest and wailed.

It was a lonely, painful sound. Not quite troll or human.

It made Kanjigar’s chest ache.

He rested his chin on Jim’s head and rocked him gently as the boy cried.

Eventually he quieted and then after a little longer he breathing evened out.

He’d fallen asleep, Kanjigar realized.

He shifted him to a slightly better position and then leaned back against the wall tiredly.

What was he going to do?

He had had his hesitations about Jim being in Merlin’s care but after this…

He meant what he said about wanting to take Jim to Trollmarket. Unfortunately Merlin was right: the other trolls would be hesitant to accept Jim. There was some advantage to the fact that he was young. If he could convince the adult trolls that he was not a changeling they would not harm him… Most likely…

Kanjigar’s status as Trollhunter would certainly provide some protection but even if Jim was safe from the adult trolls…

Kanjigar grimaced. The adult trolls wouldn’t be the only problem. In his experience children tended to pick up on their parents’ prejudices. It was possible Jim wouldn’t be accepted among them either.

That was even without getting into ages.

The troll children who were mentally Jim’s age were already over a century. There were differences in how they approached and understood things as a result.

Not to mention he didn’t know if Jim was going to keep aging at a human rate or slow down…

Kanjigar carefully shifted Jim so he had a free hand to rub his forehead.

“What am I to do with you?” He murmured to the sleeping child.

He didn’t know. He really didn’t know.

Jim shifted in his sleep and made a soft whimper in his throat. His brows drew together and he pressed his face harder against Kanjigar before stilling again.

It wasn’t fair, Kanjigar thought. He had wished –pleaded with the amulet even- that his own son Draal wouldn’t have be forced to bear the burden. He had gotten that wish: but at what cost? This boy didn’t deserve to suffer it either.

He ran a hand through Jim’s hair and promised himself two things.

First: He would live as long as possible. He would make sure that Jim was well into adulthood before he took to mantle of Trollhunter. Kanjigar would fight for his own life as if he was fighting for Jim’s.

And second: He would do everything in his power to make sure that Jim was prepared for when his time came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah Jim is going to have some trauma from that...
> 
> Chronologically this chapter takes place soon after Chapter 6. If Barbara had waited even a month to move she might have encountered Jim. (Whether that would have ended well or not is hard to say.) We'll get to see what happened with Jim's visit to his old home in another chapter.
> 
> Jim is a little different looking from his cannon half-troll form in this AU due to Merlin having much longer to work on the potion. His troll and human traits are a little better balanced. Main differences include: 5 fingers on both hands, his ears are more like Blinky's in shape than elf-like as they are in cannon, and a slightly increased immunity to the sun (I'm still deciding to what extent). There are some other things that will come up later as well.
> 
> Something worth noting is that Jim is in many ways what troll imagine changelings look and smell like. Actual changelings switch from fully troll to fully human, but changelings are not frequently interacted with so images get distorted over time. Kanjigar knows this but it escaped his mind in the moment.
> 
> I don't recall seeing Kanjigar interact with any changelings in cannon but I have no reason to believe that he would be an exception to the general attitude toward them.
> 
> This is the end of this three part arc. I hope you enjoyed it! The next chapter will take place in the present.


End file.
